When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
