That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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