Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
