He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
