I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
