...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
