my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
