We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
