and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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