so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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