Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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