She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
