Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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