I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
