Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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