It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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