Your mouth is God's brothel.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
