New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
