One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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