The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize