I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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