there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
"it" just moved
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
