...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
