He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
