Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
