Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
