she looked like the before picture.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
