There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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