I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
