I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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