You surviving the open bar?
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He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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