i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
