You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
