During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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