So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
