I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
