69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
