I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
