Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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