I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
