So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
