i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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