At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
