This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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