apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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