Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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