I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
