I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This house was built for laser tag.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
