I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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