she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
