Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
