Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
