My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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