Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
