Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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