My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
