That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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