They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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