I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
