Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
