how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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