The maid of honor just puked.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The best revenge is premature balding
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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