I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
