Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
