i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize