Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
