Got a toothbrush?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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